I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Houston, we have a blender
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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