we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
