So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
