I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
