I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
