This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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