i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
