There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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