Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
