marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
