I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
