eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
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