No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
