Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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