he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
