i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
