Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im holly from the hills drunk
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
