We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
