I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
