Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
