dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
