Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
