Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
