I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
