I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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