why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
