i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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