am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
