she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
