Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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