I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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