I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
