I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
