so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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