I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
