omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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