she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
