yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
