I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
