Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
