Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Less talking, more tequila
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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