Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
