go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
