I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I CAN MOONWALK!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
