But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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