I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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