if i died would you start the facebook group?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
