I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
