that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
