i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Never underestimate the power of titties
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
