Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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