why didn't you poke me back
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
